3 Ways Sitting Down Has Been Changing my Parenting

As a part of becoming a Certified Parent Coach with Connected Families, Aubrey and I had a 4-session package with the lovely Marni Love.

We were discussing a big concept in the Connected Families framework: Slow-Low-Listen, and it reminded me of a season we were in a year or so ago with our younger daughter. She was having some big challenges with sensory issues and getting dressed, to the point where we’d be spending upwards of an hour getting something to stay on her body so we could get out the door.

Sometimes when I’d go into her room and realize we were going to be in for one of these marathon-dressing-sessions, my body would flood with stress hormones and I would lay down on her bed to continue the conversation. This was my body going into the ‘freeze’ response (of fight-flight-freeze), but to my surprise, this usually led to my daughter being able to calm her body down faster (especially compared to orders or deadlines delivered with hands on my hips).

That level of freezing — complete with ears ringing and my body feeling like it weighs a thousand pounds — is not anything I’d like to emulate or recommend, but it was what is was.

However, remembering how getting low helped to diffuse the situation, I made it a point over the next couple of weeks to simply sit down if I felt my body start to dysregulate during tricky moments with my kiddos.

Sitting down (or getting ‘low’) is a game-changer for at least 3 reasons:

1. Physiologically: It helps keep me calm (a message from my body to my brain that I’m not actually being attacked by a bear), and it also signals to my child that I am not a threat and helps their brain switch back out of fight-or-flight.
2. Communication: Not only does it help physiologically, but I can tell it also communicates messages to my kids that I am for them. Their big emotions don’t scare me off and I love them no matter how they feel.
3. Focus: Too often, I am flitting around the house like a hummingbird (or a chicken with its head cut off? Depends on the day…) — trying to get things done. The simple act of sitting down shows them that I really am paying attention to them, and it helps me to actually focus on listening to them!

There are other ways to get “low,” too. Connected Families recommends taking a step backward, leaning back against a wall, putting your hands in your pockets or behind your back, sitting down, putting your feet up, or even changing your facial expression.

Try it! Or if you already practice getting ‘low’ during conflict, please share your go-to method in the comments!